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If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:51 pm
by Gold Stellar
Hear me out, Please. That’s all I ask right now. Please.

Don’t get me wrong here, please. I know this is a long one, but please hear me out. This is not a rant; this is not me talking about myself. This is me using myself as an example. So please, hear me out until the end of this. I know you will do it anyway, but I feel more confident telling you this, as I am going to need all the confidence I can get. Here we go. Boom all the way. Anything less than stellar is unacceptable.

Okay. We all know that as a whole, humanity is spending WAY too much time online. I know that people have said that this is bad, that you need to get real, but I am here to agree and disagree. To look at both sides of this, and give my opinion. If this sounds jumpy, that’s because it is. Normally I make this whole thing out in nD, and go to post it, realize I’m not online, log in and it’s gone. Then I start over in Microsoft word, and you get half of what I made. But now? I am doing it RAW. Starting in WORD and pasting it in nD. Stellar Raw Format ^^.

First Topic: Online Status.

I realize that some people like to think, “Oh, hey, I got a like. I MATTER!” but what if it is really just sympathy? Just another, “oh this poor guy doesn’t have any ‘likes’ on their post. Let me thank them.’ Or some random chuckler? I know that there are people who care. People who give their opinion. People who are there for you. But don’t let the number define you. Don’t fall into that trap that the only people who care are those online. I would know this the most. I have Sonia, and few others. But I still have people who care about this weapon of mass distraction. Online, however, you have access to everyone online. So of course it will seem as though you have more friends on line, because you are meeting more people. But these people, once you meet a lot, you can tell who is honest and who isn’t. Take my good friend Numble for example. He is extremely funny, and stellar, but when it is time to get serious, he is there for you. He will do all he can, and give you all the support he can. This transition of “hey, what’s up?” to “let’s talk about it” is the difference between the people who will ‘like’ you, and give you a ‘like.’ Also, the people that ‘like’ you will always be your friend no matter what. And they can relate to you. They can talk to you about anything, and so can you. We can confess to each other the things we can’t in real life, because it is just too hard to say it. I recently had to deal with a major loss. I was pretending to be strong in front of the people I see in real life, because I knew if I broke down in front of them, so would they. I had to be strong. But I could only take so much stress. I needed to get help with this burden. And that was when Numble came through for me. And, without him, I don’t think I would be in the same state I am now. I think I would be still not over it all. This goes to show that there are people online there for you. It may be a big world, but we are all on it together. And just because it is online doesn’t make a difference of who is one the other side. Online or not, you’re still talking to someone. The biggest difference is you can come clean, and talk about what you normally can’t. You can trust the people you know a lot better than you think you do, despite not ever seeing them. The funny part is, you aren’t tainted by the whole, “this person is pretty / handsome / rich / cool / popular, I want to be friends with them.” All you know is who they are, and that is why we can CONNECT with each other so well. Because all we know is what is important, and that is who you are.

Topic Two: Fame

I don’t make these posts to prove I am nice. Recently I was asked to do this, and normally I would have said “No.” but I owed this person so much, I would do anything they asked. Also, I get the feeling that it was really a false reason to hide her generosity and thoughtfulness to cheer up someone I have seen but never really known before. But back on the line, the reason I do this is to share what I think. It is not to get a “thank you” or to hit the “thank” button, I do it to tell you how I think. I don’t let that number define me. I haven’t looked at it to be honest. But I do thank the people who comment on my posts. I am not telling you this to gain popularity, but to show you I appreciate your feedback. Because, no matter what you type, I am getting a response, and we are communicating. I thank you guys because your words matter to me. I really like this system because you can only thank once, and you can have a really good reason for it. Not just to be a hippo and “like/refresh/like/refresh…” I am not making this to get more comments. I am making this to talk. I am not defined as, “the guy with the writings,” I am “just a guy.” I am not defined by what I write, but who writes back. I am my own person, but I am also influenced by you guys. Normally, I would not do this: expose what I do. But I feel I need to make people see just how much I do, and not tell others about it. It is not because I am not proud of it, or anything noble. I am just doing what I do; being me. I am Gold Stellar. That’s it. No “Boom,” no Anything. Because that is just something I put on the end. To make myself appear different. (And this is where it gets real.) I am afraid that if you see me for who I am, you will not be my friend. So I did what I could to present myself, and show you guys my best side. But over time, I crawled back to who I was. I was brought out and revealed by you guys, and now you see me for who I am. Not anything special, just a guy with a lot to say. But that is all I can really do, and it is all I do: talk. Not for fame, not to be known, not to prove anything. I just really like to talk to you. The point is, don’t make these posts for fame. Try to do it to make a point, or like Rawrrrr did, do it to start something great like a gratitude list.

Topic Three: Substitutes

I know that the world is hard. But we can get through it together. And some of us don’t see this. So we find a way to escape this harsh reality by going online. Now, we don’t get a hello in the streets or a pat on the back. We get several “hi” s online and a like for a good job. We have lost that whole compassion for interaction. We don’t take the time to confront someone in real life, and go out of our comfort zones and talk to them. Instead we isolate ourselves, and fill that sorrow gap we have with online status reports. We have lost so much of ourselves, because we are defined by what others think of us. We don’t get that “congrats” or “good job” that we crave. We don’t get any approval. So we stop looking for it, because we know we will be let down. And we go online, where it is safer. Where it is NOT REAL. But there are real people online, and it is them you are talking to. They say it is easier online to talk because it isn’t so personal. But they are wrong. It is SO much more personal. What you couldn’t get before, you can get online. Why do you think there is so much more “in game marriages” than real ones? Because you don’t have to deal with anything life brings. You know each other for who you are (or you are just having fun [or your drunk]) and nothing else. Relationships are so tough, I know that. But don’t EVER use what you would normally use in real life only online. Because if you try to hide online, you are only showing these people you are hiding something and you’re scared. But don’t be scared. You will be supported. The people in real life are only different from the people in one way: they have a real face you can see. And you can’t turn away. As real as people online are, you can always shut down your computer to run. But they will always be there for you. You just have to take the next step. To show how much you can befit from human interaction, I will confess. Me and Sonia’s mom didn’t get along so well. But I decided enough was enough, and we talked it out. I stopped hiding, and came to her, and we talked about it. Turns out, we were so similar: hurt by loss of family, we both felt horrible and felt alone. But now we can talk to each other all the time and we don’t scowl at each other anymore. We never got along before, but now we can help out each other. I just had to be willing to take the risks, and face myself with the definite possibility that I was either going to make things worse, or make them never get better. In the end, I found out that I could relate to her, and I had no reason to hide from her. You just have to come out and be who you are, being open, and you will find there are people just like you. You can never replace these people, or substitute them for something out for someone or something else. You can only ever do that if they are online (ex. Sonia in real life vs. her online).

Topic Four: Addiction

Why do you come online? I know several people who do it to support others, and moderate, and just keep others company. What is it that draws you back to nD? The people? The talks? The interactions? The communication? These things can be hard to find in real life, and sometimes not at all. I came back and back again, time and time again, because I got here what I lacked in real life: association with others, friendship at the ready, people who not just listen but understand what I do and why, and people to look up to. People who are willing to give me a chance to become better than what I am. People like Pat and Dee Dee, who have shown me what exactly success looks like, and the possibilities in life. Yet, so humble and modest about what they do, it is just that: what they do. It is not a job, it is not a duty, and it is just something they do, just for others. If you have seen some of the things, not just Dee Dee, but Pat too, has done, you will be astonished at just how big their hearts are. You can easily want to be like them, craving more and more interaction. Craving their presence. Having them there is not bad, but seeking them out and others by being online 24/7, waiting for the next time they are online? That is a problem. You can’t replace them, or substitute the company they bring to you. You know they will always be there for you. And they are: but they are not there to feed an addiction. People like this, role models, they have to meet expectations and exceed those expectations that others put on them. They have a lot to deal with, so why should these people have time for you? The fact that they do have time for you, or in this case, an ordinary person like me, is truly fascinating to me. They give up so much time and effort, giving so much for people like me; people who (used) to CRAVE their attentions. Now? After all this time, I can say that I am over it. I am over all the craving, because I was given so many second chances to get it right. And I did, thanks to them. I now take what I have learned to the real world, the world not on the screen, but the world associated with the screen. In tough times, I ask myself, “what would Dee Dee do?” and do it. The point is, don’t crave this attention, as that’s not what it is for. LEARN from them instead of leaning on them. They are there for you, like Numble was for me. They will always be there for you if you are there for them. I know what happens when you aren’t there for someone who is (or in my case, WAS,) there for you. It will hurt, but you will get through. But don’t escape to nD to get that feeling of belonging like I did. Get it in both the people you associate with, and the people you see.

Topic Five: Respect and Response.

Does no one ever listen to you in the world? Do you feel that you are not getting known in life, so you come to nD and put it on a screen, in hopes of someone reading it and talking about it? Let me tell you, there are people listening, and responding. It’s just that you don’t listen to them. Once again, I will use myself as an example. My friend, Sonia, was trying to tell me that she was also bothered by the same loss of a friend I was dealing with. She was listening to me, while I was saying stuff like “you don’t understand, you will never know how I feel!” and she did know how I felt, but didn’t later, because I made her feel worse. I had her there for me, but she didn’t have me. I was too busy trying to find responses I liked, not the ones I got. Not, “it will get better,” but I wanted “he is coming back, don’t worry.” I had hurt her so bad because she was being strong for me, by acting like she didn’t care about the loss okay that’s not true. She was acting like she was not as hurt as I was. But she was hurt worse by it, and I knew him longer. But she knew him better. I listened to him, and he had listened to me. But I never asked about the things she asked him about, because I knew the answers. I never asked, and he never answered: “what are we not telling each other?” We respected and responded each other. I did the same with Sonia too. But when he left, I had Sonia respect and respond to me. But not me to her. I pushed away the best things I had, because I FELT I was not getting a Response, or Respect. I didn’t like what I was told, even though I knew it was true. So I ignored it all. So, Sonia, this one’s for you: I’m sorry I did not fulfill my promise to be there for you when you need me. I was there when you didn’t need me, but not when you did. Please accept my apology. Also, for Numble too. I never asked what I could do for you, and even though you were there for me, I wasn’t there for you. I owe it to you, and I am not giving anything for you. Please forgive me, my friend, for not doing what I said I would do. You gave me response, you gave me respect, and I gave you rejection. I was losing it, and I took out my frustration on both you and Sonia by not listening to you, only to myself. You both understood better than I did, no matter what I argued. So thank you for doing what I said I would do, but haven’t: keeping my promise to be there for you. So thank you and I am SO sorry. Please know I love you both. I always will. I just. Okay enough excuses. The lesson here: I wasn’t listening to what I asked for: respect and response. You can get that all the time, you just have to give it.

Topic Six: A New Identity, A New Understanding.
So who are you really? If you don’t like who you are, you can become someone else online. No one will ever know the difference, right? Wrong. These are not people you are talking to, they are friends and family. You just don’t know it yet. They can’t tell who you are, but they can tell who you AREN’T. You can hide, but they will know you are hiding something. Why do you think I came clean to my friends? Because they knew something was up, that I was hiding something. And now, as I owe it to them, the simplest way I can say it: I am scared. I am scared of the unknown, of the future. I am scared that people will not like what I have to say, or reject what I have to say. I fear their opinion, yet I want it so bad. I am controlled by this fear, or at least was. I would like to say, “Oh, hey, this community was the only thing that helped me in life,” but I would be lying. But not anymore. The real truth is that I also had Sonia, and without her, I REALLY wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be here to misunderstand her help for your help. Don’t get me wrong, you guys were and are a HUGE help to me. HUGE. But Sonia, she was always helping me. And she understood my true identity, and could relate to my fear of NOT KNOWING. She never told me she was helping me, and neither did you guys. You just did it. And I never recall ever asking for it, except that one time. But in the first place, you saw me in trouble, both nD and Sonia. Instead of trying to find the problem, you tried to find the solution to my mystery problems. And I never helped at all, only pushed you away from the uncomfortable truths I KNEW but never wanted to see. I was being understood in life, and in virtual life. But I never understood you. I tried, I will admit. But the closest I got was with Numble and H2O. Pat was, as I put it, another me from another place and time. The difference is that he did not make the mistake of letting you down. As I did. I am not saying that I came up with a lie of who I am, or wasn’t understood. I am saying I never told you everything, and I didn’t understand to you.

This is not a letter to announce my love, or my sympathy, as much as I would like it to be. I could never make up for the transgressions I have made here and in life, without being there in person. But this is a warning to those who feel the same as me, and feel alone. Feel afraid. Feel misunderstood, or don’t like who they are. Who feel disrespected, and feel they don’t get respect. Who don’t feel appreciated. Those people who want fame here because they can’t get it online. (I didn’t want fame, and thankfully I don’t have it. I just want to be HEARD.) To those who feel their online status is more important than in real life. This is to you. Succeed where I have failed. Learn from my mistakes. And don’t repeat them. This is a warning to those who need to be warned.
(In fact, against what I said, this IS a shout out for forgiveness, of love, and appreciation. But it has a point to be learned from others. If I can teach anything, it’s what not to do. Also, this is a confession of myself, so others know I can be trusted, despite how I used to act. I know I will always be able to improve, but I am saying I will be better, because I need to be. I need to give what I got from you. I promise that I will be better, if you will have me. If you will give me one more chance. If you will just tolerate me once more. If you will still believe in me. The original title was, “Cyber Society” but I changed it. As of writing this sentence, I don’t know what I will call it. I just hope I come up with something that will get people to read this.)

This message was inspired by Sonia, when she told me if I wanted something badly, maybe I should check and see if I have it already.

“Don’t walk in front of me, for I may not follow. Don’t walk in behind me, for I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:59 pm
by Flath
This book is way too long man. You should have split it in different chapters. I read the title today, i'll read the other parts another day !

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:55 pm
by Sonia ^^
But you DID keep your promise. You realized that you were freaking out, and i understand that. But the fact that you were willing to open up about all of this is more than enough for me. You have never broken a promise you made, because you make that with your heart. And your heart never fails, no matter what. You give so much, and really it is you who don't see how much you do. You said you would tell us just how much you do, and you didn't put much. You do so much more Gold. You are better than you think you are. You are a stellar guy with a heart of gold. Don't ever tell me that you do this stuff where you aren't there for me, and that you aren't listening, or being respectful. Or you and me are going to have a little talk. As for the part about my mom? that's amazing! I am so happy you two are talking again. She didn't mean what she said to you when you started fighting, and she even told me that too. I was worried she had been brainwashed, because she never admits she is wrong. And she welcomed you to dinner anytime over the phone. That was so weird too, and I figured you had something to do with it. I would love to know just how you did it though. she can be stubborn, I know. But wow, she has an iron will, and you changed it? Amazing. Gold, you deserve more than you give yourself. I know you were afraid of failure, as well as the unknown. It is easy to read someone so much like you, as well as someone you are around so often. Don't forget you tell me everything, so i obviously knew that. but my mother, That's new...

Anyways, you know I will always forgive you, Gold. Always. Don't Forget you always have my love, respect, and gratitude. If not for you, i LITERALLY would not be here. You talk about owing so much, but really it is me who owes you. You are one of a kind, always saying the things that aren't normally said, doing things people normally wouldn't, I have seen you do these things. If you think I don't, I am sure those people on the streets in Vancouver feel much warmer with those gloves you gave them...

Can you tell I am trying to text wall like you do? :D I learn a lot from you. You aren't the bad guy you see yourself as, or a failed hero. You are Gold Stellar, and it doesn't get better than that.

With Love, Sonia.

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:56 pm
by spaxor

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:45 pm
by Tomato
didnt read but like my post ty

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 2:40 am
by k1ngfoxxy
Needs a tl;dr for lazy cunts.. like me :roll:

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 2:49 am
by Romeo
Foxy|Lady wrote:Needs a tl;dr for lazy cunts.. like me :roll:
Ur not the only one lady, jesus christ you like writing a lot.....i need a summary pls, 2 laze 2 read

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 3:24 am
by Flath

First part: Friendship online is great, you aren't limited by superficial things and you connect with people the same way. Had a heartbreaking lost and my friend numble helped me out. I describe some aspects of friendship i apparently discovered were possible online.

Part two: Don't thank my topic bitches, i ain't doing it for you, one person dear to me, made me to it and it's my present to her. I'm gold stellar, was scared to show you the real me so i put up a facade. Now i'm back bitches and ready to fuck. I won't do it for the money but to share an idea, an opinion, something.

Part three: This online stuff is made to make sure you burry your problem deep inside yourself, this online facade is your safe-zone but you need to step-up mate. Face your problems, say no. say IM NOT AFRAID. Once again, online relationships are great, i discovered people are actually real people and i need to stop being fake if i want to have real friends online. Dude this online stuff is dope, you talk to someone without him being an hypocrite. Some personnal story now, i had some issues with sonia's mom but i said fuck it, let's face the problem. Well risk/reward paid off this time, we are good now, i learnt to face my fears. Stop being scared and stop faking your personality, you can't escape forever.

Part Four: Coming back to nD since i lacked something IRL, usually interaction, friendship, people who understands me. Man i love deedee, patrick plz, let's share her for a night or two. I swear i'll make her happy. Man i'd even tap you if i could, i mean, you are great guys, moderators, you help this community become what it is with nothing else than i kindheart. Thank you. I look up to these two guys in particular, they helped me become myself failure after failure. Man friendship is great, they are actually here when i'm having a hard time. You should learn from them and lean on them to become a better person.
However, do have an IRL life if you don't want to become a crazy fuck like i used to be.

Part Five: I lost a dear friend and i used nD to hide from that loss even though i had IRL people to help me cope with that pain. Thank you sonia and sorry. Man i was such a whiny crybaby teenager thinking i'm the only one with feelings, bye hormones, i'm finally opening my eyes on the fact some people's life is shittier than mine, especially sonia at that time who was particularly more mature than i was at the time and more hurt by that lose. Thank you sonia. She respected me and put her pain aside to help me. She was a good friend, i wasn't. I'm sorry. Numble, i'm sorry mate, but i actually had too much to deal with at the time. But maaan your shit is serious and i was such a retard not taking into account the fact you needed someone aswell. I was such a bad friend. Sorry. Alright, excuses apart, teenager issues here, i don't listen, i think i'm the only one dealing with shits. Good thing i had more mature people watching over me.

Part Six: Family and friends will always tell you what is wrong. If you don't like yourself, or the way you are, it's time to change. Trying to be a 2 faced bitch on the internet won't get you anywhere, you can't lie to people. Good thing my friends ain't retards, they actually discovered i had an issue IRL, they helped me face it and i feel better now showing an aspect of me i didn't know existed. I needed to get out of the safe-zone and real friends helped me become the person i am today. I wouldn't have been able to change without you guys. I love you. Maaaan, once again teenager issues, i had people listening to me and giving me advises both IRL and online but i didn't listen till soon. I mean losing someone was obviously a huge blow to me. I lost my marks. Don't think i was a fake guy, i just thought everybody had secrets and some of mine weren't really in that category.

Alright, don't think i'm a whiny bitch. To those nerds that think online achievements are more important than IRL ones, that relationship there are more important aswell. Get out of your safe-zone folks, this cringy topic i took so much time putting my heart in is actually a really nice thing i did i want you to learn from my mistakes to make sure you don't repeat them, i opened my heart and this kid writing shit on my topic named flath is actually really impressed. This is my gift to you, my gift to this community and a way to thank the friends and everyone that supported me through that hard time. I WILL be a better person. Just give me another chance folks.

[ FLath: Alright i'm exhausted, 4:30 am in france. Peace out]

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 3:39 am
by spaxor
Kinda sad but the tl;dr was even to long for me to read, someone make a tl;dr of flath's tl;dr thx :lol:

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 8:09 am
by Apple
spaxor wrote:Kinda sad but the tl;dr was even to long for me to read, someone make a tl;dr of flath's tl;dr thx :lol:
tl;dr :
you lot probably don't care but hey! I still made a topic for you to read (which 90% of those who view the topic might not read).

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 8:11 am
by Cruxell

If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:05 am
by gal
I really like what you wrote, Gold, you really are gifted.

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 12:20 pm
by k1ngfoxxy
Well from what I gathered from Flath's tl;dr, OP appreciates online relationships as much and even more than irl relationships, because it allows him to be 100% real while still being in a safe comfort zone, because there's a massive space boundary/barrier of course. OP also encourages us to not be fake, be real. He used to be fake, a frustrated teenager who had gone through some shit, but didn't cope with it very well due to hormones. OP is now more mature and ready to show us the real him, no façade.
OP also mentions Sonia, of whose role in the story I'm unsure of. My guess is that she's OP's gf that he lost or whose relationship was affected due to his immaturity. Also OP mentiona Numble, a friend of his, who I personally know, good lad, hard life.

Very very very tl;dr : OP used to be fake and immature, now he's letting go of the façade and is 100% real. Also online relationships are the shit.

TIL that Flath is a bam

Ignore what I said above. Read OP's post, or well, skimmed through it.

tl;dr : online friendships are a thing. And they are good. Appreciate those around you. You're never alone. I think.

I agree with OP.

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:02 am
its oke friend

Re: If You Are Willing, Please Hear Me Out.

Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2017 11:14 am
by gal
SneL #LienV3 wrote:its oke friend