Apr 17, 2019. The date i made my application, First one. and it was after about 3 weeks of playing everyday for about 5-6 hours, Getting the community to know me. I loved it all.. The people i met, friends i made, and moments iv had with them. and i decided to apply and see if this community got any faith in me. Many people thought i took advantage of the situation and got accepted since no one was really on the server anymore, servers were down and dead. forums died, so did some friendships. Now in my opinion yes, it may have been lucky or timed, however when i was playing server was popping, and 32/32 most of the time. and I applied before the server died. in my defence, there is no way of me knowing that server is going to die, therefore easing my way into membership, iv had a couple of other competitions, S.W.A.T, Snap and FPS Jolly. In my personal opinion, jolly had no chance. he had a big heart but could not care less about the community.
S.W.A.T Back then was actually helpful and speaking in the words of truth. No bias. He most importantly was actually trying as well. He deserved a chance.However, Snap........ OK i'll leave it there.
This being my first application, I was trying hard for it. I'm a competitive person and my mindset is to be on top always. And no one is perfect if they make no mistakes. You make mistakes, you learn and you improve. its how life works and goes on. However there is always this one guy that doesn't like you. and it's something it pisses him off but you cant quite figure it. it may look right what your doing however to other eyes it looks wrong. And the way i grew up, i learned it the hard way and its to keep pushing and make them hate more. this one guy turned into 2, 3, 4 and eventually it reached a big group. Onto my childhood explaining how terrible my life was. Born in Lebanon, Moved to Kuwait when young. Over the lifespan in Kuwait I have moved 4 different schools. Each one got worst and worst. Iv been stabbed 2 times around the belly area, one almost killed me. growing up, iv resorted to games. games to escape the bullshit reality. getting stabbed really fucked with my mind and changed how I act. I wanted revenge and as I said before, I hate, HATE being put last. At the age of 13, i joined a MMA school (Mixed Martial Art) Kept grinding for about 1 year, at which the grind came to an end as a life changing opportunity came to me. its literally a gift from god. A chance of studying in the UK. Me being me. I accepted the challenge and moved in to the UK. My mum and brother followed. My dad stayed in Kuwait working to pay for my private school. It was rough at start, however It was nice, life was good there. Friends are good. altho some are snakes, and like people know your worth there. like you do something good you are appreciated for it. unlike Kuwait where you either pay teacher good money or u fail. My brother who is diagnosed with autism, is in a special needs school which i'm really happy and appreciative off, and its funded by the government, and like in general this really did change my life for the better. as in now, i'm almost 18. that will be September 12. And a lot of people asked why i'm too mature sometimes, strict on certain stuff. Well there, that's your answer. When your childhood is fucked to a level, you grow up faster. you learn to fit faster. however sometimes you are afraid to have your image destroyed because of people miss-judging you, and that... Is my biggest fear/annoyance.My first application --> http://www.neondragon.net/viewtopic.php?f=60&t=32898
I really, with passion hate when people miss-judge me as a person. and I really hope certain people see "Actual me"
Once i got accepted. it was fun and all. however servers were still dead. It was quite a bit of time until we really came back in business, and within this time jailbreak was out of my mind, forgot some rules etc, was getting to GCSES, stress all over me everywhere. Server suddenly got revived because of a happy hour that Nallez hosted i remember. Servers slowly started gaining people for a little while, and it went for a good time then shutdown quick. Within this period of time, iv figured out, doeda, Kaito and aash just had something against me. Doeda i was a little surprised to see him act like that. We used to be friends before my application was made, correct me if i'm wrong, but it just happened like a switch being flipped. Kaito, nice and genuine guy, knows his stuff and his not really the troll person, sometimes and i'm sure its the case, people ask him to do certain things for banter and he does it, understandable. its banter so meh its all good. Aash... Yeah she is something else. Just never even bothered to know me in the first place. Just constant hate. But yeah its meant to be, certain people don't get along well with others, and i fully understand it. As time went on, we got hit with the global pandemic, Covid-19, Server got revived. More people joined, and more old regulars joined. The group became bigger. and stress grow. Keep in mind I had no actual training on how to handle certain situations, and i just had to go off my gut. It got really bad to a level where i had to have uhu with him to keep an eye and assist me. Now put yourself in my place and tell me how fucked that is. Thing is. How is it that i'm expected to improve or really make something good out of my membership when i got a whole clan pumping at me, this will of course induce bias, and it will make me annoyed therefore making me not think straight. It got to a point where i was carefully watching and waiting for one tiny mistake, to use my powers. Such as switching them back to T when they were against ratio, I would get cussed and all but, I didn't care as much, because i can simply !gag for harassing a member. However it grew so big on me, that i was kind of afraid to use my powers. That was towards the ending of my membership.
Now id like to explain my actions towards the end, as iv heard from some people many thought it was a stunt when i said i'm not leaving the team anymore, i'm not gonna mention names. I'll start of by saying no, it wasn't a stunt and it was actually me going through a really difficult time in life, My first year Mocks which leads to predicted graded which leads to UCAS which is University applications was this year, as in 7 days from now as we speak. The mock i did previously i got a pretty shit grade, Chemistry-D Math-U and Physics-B. This isn't my Typical A-A-B or A-B-B. I wasn't happy, neither was my family. My pc was actually taken away, and I kind of realised that it was the right decision by my parents later on, That i lied about ... when i made the leaving thread claiming that I put it away. I started to study properly for the upcoming exams. And so i thought i would not be able to give my time to this community and help out. as i said earlier my mind was fucked, and i was going through a hard time. However after about a week or 2 if i remember right, I was on the server, I sorted my life out, got it figured and got into a routine. I got in touch with Uhu where he assisted me and told me what to do in order to get the thread closed. I would like to make somethings really clear. I did not ask to stay just to mess with some people. i genuinely figured it out, got it down and started from the begging.
Iv done things i'm not proud of, Such as harassing Kurza, gambling event moneys, warning people for things i thought they did wrong where in fact i was wrong. Id like to start off by saying, Kurza i'm sorry my guy. I did indeed say fuck you. and i did indeed lie when Kaito made that post about me. Reason i lied, i knew it was game over and even if i tried explaining my self, it would not have worked. i needed to buy time. Now to the explanation I owe you, Back then i said fuck you when u killed me as a friendly/harsh manner. Like i kinda meant it but i also didn't mean it. because well i thought we were chill. but u took it and it went to hell from there. The event money, I thought i can be slick with. My original donation was 200k, once i got a big donation from the admin team i decided to lower my 200k down to 100k, so I can gamble more, and try to win more, therefore adding more money to the event. However i lost. Zero noticed what i did, and asked why i changed my donation, so did zaptor, he set my balance to -250k I think. I apologised, and I was told "i'm disappointed" By zaptor and that we wont cover up stupid mistakes like this. This was my first official warning and to this day i wonder how i survived not getting demoted after that. i believe its a hint of faith. Anyways it was upsetting and again, it just fucked with my mood, people figured it out and noticed the damage done. and i started getting bullied for it. Cant say I didn't deserve it, but again. It really fucked with my mind. I looked up to zero and zaptor quite a lot. and coming from them it meant a lot.
Now for the new people, iv had issues with, as in most recent. Spax, toma and haf. Iv added them, and we talked about it. we ended up shaking hands on it and calling it quits. i assume we are friends as in now. However id like to say something. Spax, he added me on steam and explained that it was nothing personal and it wasn't really anything to do with me, just my moderation which he didn't like. and i really appreciated that. because us people. that's how you should solve problems. in a mature and respectable way. So thank you for that. toma and haf, actually really nice people. great time chatting with you both and i appreciate actually listening to me.
Kaito and doeda, Iv asked you kaito multiple times if i could add you and we speak about it as well, and sort everything out. However, you just ignore it. or you didn't see my pm's. I did end up adding you, however unaccepted still. But its all good i understand you may not want to speak with me. Doeda i do have you on steam, however it all started with you, and i would like to kind of end it with you if you get what i mean.
Overall, i fucked up, it wasn't all blue and clear sky. but you all played a role in how i reacted and i cant be blamed fully for everything. you had parts in it. Majority me tho. I expect mature and proper comments.
Thank you for having a read. and sorry for everything shit iv gave this community.
